I want to say something so embarrassing about September that even the leaves start blushing and turning red.
Today I realized, sometimes it’s best to let it all out. If you’re having a bad day, cry. Or in my case, write about it. I normally don’t write about my personal relationships/friendships but today I received a pretty upsetting text from an old friend of mine. We’ve been having problems for years, after much thought, I decided to cut ties. It’s difficult cutting ties with someone you’ve known for over ten years, but it had to be done. You’re probably wondering what happened. That’s not something I feel comfortable sharing, and even though we are not in a good place, I’m not here to air my dirty laundry, this is more for therapeutic reasons and to receive some feedback.
Most of my night has been spent wondering how it all went wrong. After everything we went through, how did we end up here? When it comes to friendships, I value them like crazy. I’m loyal to a fault. This is why this friendship ending was so upsetting to me, I put in a lot of effort, more than most people would. I’m all for compromising and second, and third and forth chances, maybe that’s the issue.
My family would often tell me to end the friendship, to move on. Trust me it’s not as easy as it sounds. You can’t give up every time something goes wrong. The question is, when is enough, enough? When do you finally stick up for yourself and demand respect? I often felt like my friend was too comfortable disrespecting me. I allowed it, I’m partly to blame. The cycle was vicious, same issue arises, she apologizes, I let it go. Imagine 6+ years of that. It can get exhausting.
Right before my birthday was when I decided that it was best for me to move on, what happened that day was the last straw for me. I told her how I felt and I planned on moving on. We’ve done this before, I would ask for space, but after some time passes, I would forgive her (Doesn’t this sound like a terrible love story?) Below is a quote I really related to.
The only reason we kept in contact after I expressed how I felt, was because of a package that I ordered on her behalf, this happened before we stopped speaking, I did not want to be petty about it by ignoring her messages so I would respond any time she asked for an update. Today I text her to let her know that the package wasn’t delivered and instead of acknowledging that, she brought up other things that were irrelevant. Things that really upset me. Here I am trying to move on peacefully while still being nice about the package and once again I get treated like crap. Looking back, I shouldn’t of responded, I should of let it go, but because my integrity was being challenged, I couldn’t simply ignore it. My immediate reaction was to defend myself, which turned out pointless and a waste of time. It’s hard to argue with someone who can’t reason. For the first time in years, I think she is finally realizing that her actions have consequences, maybe this is her way of lashing out? I don’t know, all I know is that we are too mature for this and now that the package situation has been sorted, I can finally move on. Like every friendship we had our good times and bad times,but lately, the bad has been outweighing the good. After everything that has happened, I truly wish her the best with everything.
Thank you for stopping by!
Shot and edited by me.
Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.
Cross the meadow and the stream and listen as the peaceful water brings peace upon your soul.